The Nurse In Me

NURSE:

1. To promote and maintain health.

2. To care for people when their health is compromised.

3. To assist recovery.

4. To facilitate independence.

5. To meet needs.

6. To improve/maintain well being/quality of life.

It takes a certain kind of person to be a nurse.  When I looked up the definition of nurse, I discovered that it has many meanings but I feel it all boils down to these six: to promote, care for, assist, facilitate, meet needs, and improve/maintain quality. When I talk to Linda, my counselor, she says I am totally a nurse.  In fact, she says she sees a lot of nurses in her practice.  This lead me to thinking...I know, dangerous right?!?  

While going through this journey of healing, I am evaluating what it is that I really want from a new relationship, why it is I am mourning my last one, and how to avoid some of the same "man types" I have attracted in the past...not easy, I know...  

When I am in a serious relationship with someone, I really give them my all.  What I mean by that is, I make them a priority.  I am especially good at treating them how I dream to be treated.  I listen to them, I help them any way I can, I care about them and what happens to them (sometimes more than they care about themselves), and I make sure that without a doubt that they know that I think about them and love them.  This however, always leads to me feeling like I give and give and give and I feel short changed on the receiving end of things.  I have always ended up in these "off balance" relationship.  Linda calls it co-dependence and so does Dr. Tina Tessina.  Dr. Tina's definition is one I found while googling "co-dependence."  She states,  

“Codependency, by definition, means making the relationship more important to you than you are to yourself.” 

I must admit that I have put many other's needs in front of my own needs.  I have sacrificed my own self, time, energy, money... to help those I care about.  Then I wonder why I am absolutely exhausted and have nothing left for myself.  I give of myself at the expense of ME!!  Not healthy, I know!!!  This is something that I am working on.

On a positive note, I have learned a lot from my prior mistakes.  In making these mistakes, I have learned my value.  I have refined what it is I am looking for in a man, partner, lover.  I have learned about myself and am beginning to take better care of myself.  I am learning to say no more often and set boundaries.  I am taking time to work on me.  


As to why, I attract un-motivated, lazy, takers?!?!  It could be the nurse in me but really I do not know the answer. I am hoping that the future finds me a healthy, giving, caring, motivated, sweet man who appreciates my gifts and has his own gifts to share with me.