...Flying So High...

It is BOOKED!!!

May 3, 2012 at 8:25PM, I will be on my way to Germany to see my brother and his family.  I could not be more excited!  I have never been out of the country.  In fact, I have only been to about a dozen states here.  I am what people call a "homebody."  I like being home.  Also, I am a natural germ-a-phobe.  I think it is the nurse in me.  So, going on airplanes and staying at hotels is not really my gig.  I get grossed out pretty easy.  Germ-a-phobe or not, I am outta here...well I will be in t-minus 93 days!   Yes, I counted!! 

BTW, I broke the news to the kids last week and they cried, as expected, but are now on board with the mommy get away.  

Mommy get away...I like the sound of that...in fact...I LOVE the sound of it!!! 

Lights, Camera, Action

Let's talk movies...

I have many favorite movies.  I do not get much time to watch movies these days but I am always up for a good chick flick! Yes, Chick flick!  If I love it, I buy it and some how I never get tired of watching.  I suppose if you compared my "library" to others, it would seem pitiful.  I do not have many videos.  I must r-e-a-l-l-y LOVE it to buy it.  I mean, what a waste if you spend the money on something and never watch it.  Movies are not cheep!  Here is my "Top Ten" (at least today) favorites from my library!

1. The Hangover
2. Emmet Otter's Jug Band Christmas
3. Christmas Vacation
4. The Notebook
5. Disney's Cinderella
6. Enchanted
7. Nemo
8. Twilight Series
9. Friends with Benefits
10. Dumb and Dumber

They are not in any particular order.  I am looking at the list..very eclectic.  I wonder if someone did a personality test based on movies, what they would say about me?!?!  Maybe they would say I am a girl with a funny, romantic, kid at heart, personality.  Yeah, that about sums it up!

Now, I am looking forward to my next movie night :-)

Counting Down...

Hello again!  It is a rainy Tuesday here in Pa and I am enjoying my last week of freedom.  School is starting again next week and that means back to the books, papers, exams, and lack of any time to myself.  I have been enjoying the last 5 weeks of free time.  I have made good use of it too!  I have rested.  I have posted.  I did some volunteering at my kids school.  I have organized a closet or two, watched some movies, read a book...it all ends next week! Boo Me!!  The only positive is, the sooner I start, the sooner I graduate.  That, my friends, is a day that I cannot wait for!

Another day I cannot wait for is the day I can see my brother again.  If you do not already know, my little brother (aka Bud) is in the military (Go USA) and is stationed in Germany.  He left for Germany in July of 2010 and by my calculations it has been WAY TO LONG since I have seen him face to face.  I mean it is 2012 for goodness sake.  So, I made an executive decision to get my ass on a plane and go to see him.  I am going in May.  I figure, I cannot wait for school to be completely done before I go but I can go between semesters and that is exactly what I am doing.  I have arranged child care, filled out my passport application, and priced out the tickets.

All I have left to do is break the news to the kids.  They will be quite upset that they do not get to see "Uncle Dan."  I will be breaking two beautiful babies hearts with this news but I need to think of myself sometimes and this is one of those times.  I am sure the heart break will be temporary because it won't be long before I tell them that their Dad and I will be taking them to Disney World.  Once they realize that we have this trip in the works and that is why I cannot afford to take them to Germany, I think they may forgive me (maybe...hopefully).

The count down is on!

"Ich bin nach Deutschland gehen" 

"Ich kann es kaum erwarten, dich zu sehen. Ich liebe dich Bud"

Quotations

I love when I find just the right song or quote that articulates just the way I feel!  I have a lot of feelings and I am not always good at expressing them...Shocking, I know ;-) So, today is all about sharing with you some of the quotes I live by, believe in, and/or express what I feel.  Enjoy!!


Number One Favorite: 


"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." Antoine De Saint-Exupery

"There is never enough time to do all the nothing you want!" Calvin and Hobbes

"The secret of health for both mind and body is not to mourn for the past, worry about the future or anticipate troubles, but to live in the present moment wisely and earnestly." Buddha

‎"If you are going through hell, keep going." Winston Churchill

"The road to success is always under construction." Lily Tomlin

"Unkindness almost always stands for the displeasure that one has in oneself." Adrienne Monnier

“Don’t let the past steal your present” – Cherralea Morgen

"No great goal was ever easily achieved." Margaret Thatcher

"Strength does not come from physical capacity. It comes from indomitable will." Gandhi

‎"You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only option you have." Unknown

“We must be willing to let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the life that is waiting for us”~ Joseph Campbell

"Great works are performed not by strength but by perseverance." Unknown

‎"The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." - Helen Keller

‎"All endings are also beginnings . We just didn't know it at the time." Mitch Albom

“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly” ~Sam Keen

‎"Any change, even change for the better, is always accompanied by drawbacks and discomforts." Arnold Bennett

‎"Don't ever give up on something or someone that you can't go a full day without thinking about." Unknown

‎"To be able to move on, one has to learn to forgive not only the person (or people) who have done one wrong but also oneself."

- Eugenia Tripputi

Feel free to share some of your favorite quotes with me.  I love finding new ones.  Have a wonderful day :-)

The Nurse In Me

NURSE:

1. To promote and maintain health.

2. To care for people when their health is compromised.

3. To assist recovery.

4. To facilitate independence.

5. To meet needs.

6. To improve/maintain well being/quality of life.

It takes a certain kind of person to be a nurse.  When I looked up the definition of nurse, I discovered that it has many meanings but I feel it all boils down to these six: to promote, care for, assist, facilitate, meet needs, and improve/maintain quality. When I talk to Linda, my counselor, she says I am totally a nurse.  In fact, she says she sees a lot of nurses in her practice.  This lead me to thinking...I know, dangerous right?!?  

While going through this journey of healing, I am evaluating what it is that I really want from a new relationship, why it is I am mourning my last one, and how to avoid some of the same "man types" I have attracted in the past...not easy, I know...  

When I am in a serious relationship with someone, I really give them my all.  What I mean by that is, I make them a priority.  I am especially good at treating them how I dream to be treated.  I listen to them, I help them any way I can, I care about them and what happens to them (sometimes more than they care about themselves), and I make sure that without a doubt that they know that I think about them and love them.  This however, always leads to me feeling like I give and give and give and I feel short changed on the receiving end of things.  I have always ended up in these "off balance" relationship.  Linda calls it co-dependence and so does Dr. Tina Tessina.  Dr. Tina's definition is one I found while googling "co-dependence."  She states,  

“Codependency, by definition, means making the relationship more important to you than you are to yourself.” 

I must admit that I have put many other's needs in front of my own needs.  I have sacrificed my own self, time, energy, money... to help those I care about.  Then I wonder why I am absolutely exhausted and have nothing left for myself.  I give of myself at the expense of ME!!  Not healthy, I know!!!  This is something that I am working on.

On a positive note, I have learned a lot from my prior mistakes.  In making these mistakes, I have learned my value.  I have refined what it is I am looking for in a man, partner, lover.  I have learned about myself and am beginning to take better care of myself.  I am learning to say no more often and set boundaries.  I am taking time to work on me.  


As to why, I attract un-motivated, lazy, takers?!?!  It could be the nurse in me but really I do not know the answer. I am hoping that the future finds me a healthy, giving, caring, motivated, sweet man who appreciates my gifts and has his own gifts to share with me.

Cheers to a New Year

I was walking in the food store today picking up a few things and for a moment I felt like I was having a de'ja' vu.  It was very weird, like most de'ja' vu moments are but this time is was more real.  It kinda deflated me for a moment.  As I walked through the asile, I realized that no matter how hopeful I am about this new year, not much has changed.  In fact looking at all of the endcaps of People and Us magazines, I realized that nothing has changed and looking forward became sadly dim.

It was really the cover of people magazine that took me back.  On the cover were two women, who have lost a lot of weight, with the caption "Half Their Size!"  I know this is not the first time they had a cover like that.  In fact, they probably have that kind of cover every January, when most people make their new year resolutions.  After seeing that cover the phrase "Same Shit, Different Day," came to my mind.  Now, I can adjust it and say "Same Shit, Different Year!"   I mean really, how different am I expecting this year to be?!?  It started the same way it has for the last few years with me working, alone, and tired.

Today is January 2, 2012.  It is a Monday.  I fell asleep about 9:30pm on Saturday night the 31st after getting my ass kicked for 12 1/2 hours at work.  I completely missed the ball dropping and the 7 text messages I got to wish me a Happy New Year.  I woke to my crappy alarm at 5:30am to again, go into work.  I worked 12 1/2 hours on new years day, picked up my beautiful babies (who are not babies anymore), and brought them home and got them and myself to bed.

Today, began with peeling my children out of bed because like most people they attempted, yet unsuccessfully, to stay up and watch the ball drop two nights ago.  The only thing they got to see was the clock turn to a time way past their normal bedtime and then the inside of their eye lids.  The out of routine hangover began this morning.

Once I got my kiddies off to school, I had an appointment with my therapist.  I have not seen her for over a year.  It was about a month ago that I felt I really needed to talk to her again.  I need to work out what has been going on in my mind and my heart.  I called her then and took the next available appt., which was for today.  

Some people have a problem with therapy.  Me?!?...Nope!  I see it like this, no one wants to hear about your life troubles.  Hell, everyone is living in their own hell.  They do not want to take on your shit! I  know this.  I do not want to burden anyone with all the crazy thoughts I have going on in this freakin brain of mine.  So, I pay someone to listen to me!  I mean, why not...it actually does help me. I do so much better processing my "issues" when I can talk them out.  Somehow, it works that way.  So, I am going with it.

My therapist,  Linda, is not your traditional therapist.  She is very down to earth, a great listener, and more importantly she tells me how it is, not what I want to hear.  I appreciate that and need it.  She is more like a friend than a therapist and she gets me!  It feels very safe to talk to her.  She really helps me to see my weaknesses but in a gentle way.  On the other hand, she points out my strengths and makes sure I see those too.  I really like her and have missed our chats.  I will probably continue to see her for some time.  

BTW... Happy New Year!  I almost forgot to wish you one.  Even thought is it not NewYears Eve, let's have a toast to all that I am hopeful for this year, despite the place I am in right now...

Cheers to...
... A better year than last year.
... Making it through my last two semesters of college.
... My family and friends staying healthy.
... My children having a great year!
... My mother and Ed find marriage to be the blessing it is.
... Seeing my brother and his family. (I REALLY MISS YOU!!)
... Healing my broken heart and opening myself up to the hope of new love.
... Me...