Thursday, December 1, 2011

Time flies when you are not having much fun!

You missed me didn't you?!?!

It has been too long since my last post and frankly, I miss you!  Since September...really it has been that long...sooooooo many things have happened.  If I ever getting around to giving you details about everything, you will be wondering how I am still able to formulate a coherent sentence, let alone be cranking out an 89 average in my Statistics class.  Don't get too excited cause I still have one quiz and two exams left.  One of which is my Cumulative Final...Gasp!  I am officially counting down to December 13th at 6PM.  It will be at that time, I will have completed the worse class in history. Yes folks...13 days and I am done Stats!!  I will save the Yippee, Yay, and Hip Hip Hoorays till then.

I feel it only appropriate to fill you in on a little bit of what has gone on during the last two months.  After all, I am a people pleaser and in true people pleaser style, I must give you a very good reason why I have not blogged lately, in order for you to still love me ;-)

I can go into further detail later but for now it is easier to list them.  By the way, I am totally a list person.  I make "To Do Lists" like it is my job.  List and my Google calendar are what keep me semi sane in this crazy thing called life.  Ok so here is my list of awful things...I mean...ALL of the things that have happened the last two months...

1. Met with tutor and have been seeing her on a weekly basis since September. She has helped me with stats a lot and also with clearing out my bank account!

2. My ex-husband and father of my children, had major surgery and came very close to death, three times, was in the hospital for almost three weeks, and recovering for 6 weeks...Beyond words, SCARY!!


3. My mother is getting married on January 8th, so the planning has been ongoing.  Sorry to say, I have not been much help secondary to the afore mentioned events of school, work, kids and helping ex-hubby. However, I should be able to pull out the "best girl" (aka Maid of Honor) speech, son's tux fitting, daughter's dress fitting and practice hair session before the big day.  Otherwise, I may be orphaned ;-)

4.  With the acquisition of a step-father, I also will be acquiring a new step-brother and a niece.  This is a wonderful thing!  I am thrilled for my Mom and Ed!  However, my new step-brother has some issues...(men having issues seems to be a theme in my life. See 6 and 7) and without a lot of detail to you now,  I have offered to take my new niece in to live here with my children and me.  I have prayed on it, talked about it, thought a lot about it, and it feels right.  If this is the best decision for my step-brother and niece, than I expect it will happen. I am actually excited about it and if it is meant to be than it will happen and soon.  Stay tuned for an update.

5.  I turned 37...and just last night I was told by a patient of mine, I looked like I was 25! She could have been being nice to me because her life and the life of her twins were in my hands OR she could have really thought that.  I like the latter and I LOVE HER for it!!!


6. An ex-boyfriend (one I happened to be in love with, who broke my heart and left me back in August because we lived too far away from one another, sniff sniff) wrote me to tell me how much he misses and loves me (for which I thought there may have been hope for us reuniting) and then proceeded to inform me, in the same e-mail, I might add, that he was getting back together with his estranged, meaning separated, living in separate households, estranged wife...Lots of expletives insert here__________!!!!!!!!


7. Most recently, it has come to my attention that my other ex-boyfriend has been expressing his continued and unconditional love for me in his blog.  I was involved with him back in 2009 and I broke things off with him.  I could write an entire book about events that occurred way back then in 2009 and the beginning of 2010 but I will save it for another post instead.  Until about a week and a half ago, I was complete oblivious of this blogs existence. I might add that I was happily oblivious to this little factoid!  More on this later...for sure! Sigh...

8. Statistics, statistics, statistics...

Well, that about sums it up in a nut shell.  Of course, it doesn't look like much to see it but all of these things have played a major role in my life these past two months.  Yes, all of this happened in the last 60 some-odd days...crazy I know. So do you forgive me now for not blogging lately?!?!  Awe thanks!

So how am I doing you ask???  Well, thanks for your concern! I must say that it has not been easy. At risk of sounding like a wimp and not the tough girl I portray myself to be...I feel kinda like I have been in a boxing ring emotionally.  I am drained, physically tired, and am in need of a reprieve, a vacation, or something resembling time off!!  Since that is not in the cards anytime soon, I am taking things one day, sometimes one minute at at time and from the outside I look pretty good at it.  On the inside, I am not as tough as I look! I have a heart and feelings.  I am real.  I am not this impenetrable figure whom nothing effects.  I am vulnerable, exposed, and confused.  To be honest, I do not want to be good at holding it all together, all the time.  I want to be able to let some of these things go.  On a pathetic note,  I want to be able to share my life with someone.  I want to love and be loved.  I am single now and this makes everything harder.  It makes chores and raising kids harder, it makes the holidays way harder, and well it just stinks!!  Since a relationship is not really in the cards now either, I just keep on, keeping on.

I suppose this is why I chose "Tough Girl." When I get knocked down (and I seem to more in my 30's than ever before), I continue to get back up and I keep going.  However, it is not as easy as it looks and it will never be. It is who I am though, and nothing can change that!  As a matter of fact, the more tough life gets, the more tough I get.  Is this a good thing or a bad thing...jury is out!

Ahhhhh, it feels good to be back!  I hope to blog more regularly and keep you informed of the happenings in my life.  I know, you do not have to say it...you cannot wait!

Until next time...Say a prayer would ya???!!!

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